freaked out

I am really scared right now. Over the years, I have visited sites that may not be the best places to visit. Some of these sites included boys wearing just a diaper. Last year, I watched a couple videos of people wearing diapers and wetting them. I visited "Deeker's Diaper Page" and read some stories about boys wearing diapers. I also saw boys stripping off pants revealing their underwear online. Also, I had a dream that I was wearing a diaper for an event called sponsor-a-senior day. In addition, there were a few times when I stayed up a little bit, went into the bathroom, took of all my clothes except my underpants, drank water until I could not hold it anymore and peed. I also have wet my bed a couple times and I do not have a bladder problem. Also, at New Years Eve party at my house, I heard my mom talk about people wearing adult diapers and all of a sudden, I wanted to be there. I did some research online and some people said that it was a sexual thing. I already have cerebral palsy and do not want to be gay on top o that. I also do not want to talk to my parents about it because I feel that that would be an awkward conversation. I also feel that it would be weird wearing a diaper at home. I do not know exactly how to get it out of my system. I am a freshmen and turning sixteen in April. I am talking to my counselor in Norwalk about it tomorrow. I also need some suggestions as to help me stop watching bad things and improve my reputation. Any ideas?